7 ways to decide whether it’s love or lust - Sukoon - Storytelling point | eksukoon.com

Sunday, 11 August 2019

7 ways to decide whether it’s love or lust

7 ways to decide whether it’s love or lust 

Being in a romantic relationship is a hell of a task, especially when you have recently got involved in one. There are days when all you want to do is cuddle with your partner and whisper the sweetest love poems in their ears. And then there are the days when you cannot stop thinking about their physical appearance or how appealing they look in certain attire. That’s when the question of love and lust arises, the question that has boggled almost every couple at least once in their lifetime.

7 ways to decide whether it’s love or lust 

Love and lust have been the two ends of the relationship spectrum since the very beginning of the tradition of companionship. They are essentially inseparable, but their intensity can surely be controlled. And it is the balance between the two that decides which road the two partners are planning to take together.  

However, sometimes figuring out the current status of your relationship can be daunting. Are you in true love with him? Or is it just lust with her? What way are you two heading? Is this bond eternal or short-lived? These question marks can become very tough to handle at times.

If you are also going through one such dilemma, here are a few pointers for you to figure out whether it is lust or love that you are experiencing with your current partner. 

The physical-emotional realms

Lust, by its very definition, means that it is all about one’s sexual gratification. When you are lustful towards someone, your brain releases the kind of hormones that increase your libido even more. So you just want to drag them into bed with you and focus on physical intimacy.
Love goes far beyond sexual desires. It is not free of those feelings, but it carries much more emotional depth and belongingness with it. If you are in love, you would want to have meaningful conversations with them so you can connect with them on an emotional as well as spiritual level. 

The self

In case of lust, since all you care about is your own pleasure, it usually leaves you feeling selfish. In love, you deeply care for your partner and you want to make them happy whether in the bedroom or outside of it.
Lust is about you whereas love is about them.

The pace

Lust is what showers you with instant pleasure. You look at your crush from a distance and drool over how sexy they appear and that gives you a hormonal rush in an instant. However, love takes its time to manifest. Love requires a lot of hard work like a marathon, but the payoff is definitely worth it.

The longevity

There is a reason why one night stands are named that way. Lust has the tendency to wither away pretty soon. That’s because if all you are looking for a quick hook-up, it is highly likely that you will get bored of it sooner than you think.
Love, however, is like a seedling that you two decide to plant together. You then water it with commitment and perseverance. You let the roots grow deeper with each moment you spend together and you both invest your lives in it to make sure that it blossoms for years and years. 

The depth

Lust always floats on the surface only. The kind of clothes or makeup your partner is wearing, the kind of body they have, their height, their curves and that sort of stuff. You do not really experience any worthwhile emotions when you are superficially involved with someone. All you get is seduction, excitement, etc.
Love, on the other hand, makes you dip yourself way down in the vast sea of emotions. It opens doors of feelings like hope, trust, vulnerability and much more for both of you.

The timeline

The graph of feelings experienced through lust is one that declines over time. This is because lust is driven by our reward center and our desire for sexual pleasure. So it burns like a bonfire and soon turns into ashes. But love carries with it the need for attachment and longing which tends to accumulate over time. Therefore, the longer the two partners are together, the more they indulge in love.

The sacrifice

When you decide to take a lustful dive with someone, your brain chemistry works to protect you and makes you possessive, so you keep away from sacrificing for your partner. In love, as history also shows us, people make grand sacrifices for each other. And you feel secure with them because you know that they too will give up anything to make your life better.
As confusing as it may sound, it is good to clarify yourself and your partner about the nature of your relationship so that nobody’s feelings are hurt.

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About the Writer (Manisha Sadana)
Manisha Sadana is an old soul in the frame of a young writer. She likes to read, write and surprise herself with her own prose every so often. 

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